I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sext me about skeletons
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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