Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I fill condoms, not promises.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize