i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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