I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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