Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
