I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
