Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
