apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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