the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
