According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize