just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize