Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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