Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
