awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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