did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
