You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
