I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
