I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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