I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
