dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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