He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
