just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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