I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
