Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
