I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize