I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
