Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
