Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
