man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
