if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Where is the hickey?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize