Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
