He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
