Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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