Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
