I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
