sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
