Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
