I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
