you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
