some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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