she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
