I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
