she woke up with a sticky ear
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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