Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
