Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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