just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
