Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
