What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
