I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
