Please, let me fuck your mom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
