i just had sex bonerless
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
