You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize