I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
