I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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