Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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