i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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