I must be too annoying 4 u.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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