I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
