Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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