trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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