im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize