Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
