Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
