Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
