I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
