Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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