Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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