Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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