He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
