i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize