wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
