one two three fourrrrnication!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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