im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
