I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
