I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
