Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
