Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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