but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
