I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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