peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
