Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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