Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
