Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize