He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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