I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
