i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
