I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
