Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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