: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
