I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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