It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They took my balls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
