you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
