I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
