When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
