Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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