i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
