Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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