Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
