i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the condom got lost in my hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize