What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
