in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
