btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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