Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
