I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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