You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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